Now, I know many of you out there were fascinated by our first 2010 Backyard Bashes theme: Lumberjacks & Ninjas (Monday). And yet, there was something inside you that held you back from attending because you were self-conscious, intimidated or even flat-out frightened by the straight fact that you just weren’t sure which category you most identify with. We understand, and what’s more important: we’ve been there as well. But alas, my friends, have no fear, for we’ve constructed a brief, yet ever so effective test to remedy this desperate dilemma. Simply answer openly & honestly–letting your heart be your guide–and all will reveal itself in good time. With that said, let the search for the true you begin…
1. When I’m out shopping for shoes, I usually look for…
a. A decent dark sandal to accent a white sock.
b. Something where the sole closely resembles the bottom of a cat’s paw.
c. Steel-toed boots, son!
d. Shopping for shoes is for wussies. I carves my shoes outta the bones of tree-dwelling mammals.
2. The pet best suited for me is…
a. A full-grown male tiger who shares my love for justice.
b. Tear gas.
c. A loyal dog.
d. All animals are equally delicious, but bear meat is especially tender & flavorful. Wait…what was the question again?
3. One of my absolute favorite vacation spots is…
a. I have none. Vacations are for the lazy & undisciplined.
b. Anywhere I can kung-fu tons of dudes doing evil.
c. A quiet cabin in the mountains.
d. Canada–the heavenly birthplace of flannel & quilts.
4. Describe your Driver’s License photo…
a. Black. A lot of black.
b. My eyes are closed, but only because even a mere accidental gaze into their fierceness could cause complete internal organ failure (in more specific terms: bye-bye pancreas).
c. Flannel. A lot of flannel.
d. The amount of facial hair is astounding; even alarming. In a word: Chewbacca.
5. The best vehicle to transport me from A to B is…
a. A giant eagle.
b. I have no need for external transportation. I can practically fly.
c. Easy. F-150 truck. Next question.
d. Boots.
6. In my opinion, Ninjas are…
a. Our most powerful natural resource on earth.
b. Shhhh…just the mention of the word aloud can summon a hurricane of infinite destruction.
c. Total pansies. Just look at the ballet shoes they wear.
d. I ain’t never got to know one and I ain’t planning on starting now.
7. In my opinion, Lumberjacks are…
a. Dumb bearded dudes.
b. Destroying Mother Earth.
c. The manliest of the manly men alive.
d. If you got to ask me, you don’t know me, son.
8. My mother always used to say, “If you can’t say something nice to someone…”
a. “…don’t say anything at all.”
b. “…kill them.”
c. “…you can always complement their beard.”
d. “…sometimes two men walk into the woods & only one man returns.”
9. My favorite kind of flower is…
a. Nightshade.
b. I should roundhouse kick your face in for even asking such a silly question.
c. A 2×4. What do you mean that’s not a flower?
d. Just thinking about this question makes me feel so womanly inside, I’m going to have to go outside and kill a woodland creature.
10. Sometimes it’s hard for me to make new friends because…
a. Most of the time I’m not visible to the naked eye…even when I’m just hanging out. I can accidentally be too stealthy for my own good.
b. I’m probably the deadliest living human, which can be intimidating to some.
c. People find my gun rack & truck bed packed with broken ax heads & discarded animal bones somewhat unsettling.
d. Quite honestly–I often smell like a dead bear’s armpits.
ANSWER KEY:
a= 0.5 ninja point
b= 1 ninja point
c= 1 lumberjack point
d= 0.5 lumberjack point
**Be sure to post your scores in the comments section so the rest of us can begin finally getting to know the true you.
Praise the Lord!
Ninja points: 2
Lumberjack points: 5.5
I’ll be decidedly verbose:
1.) I don’t go out shopping for shoes. I have shoes that automatically fit the structure and size of my feet, based on 3D topology analysis. The shoes also have an MRI system built in.
2.) An average house-hold cat.
3.) Anywhere near a supercomputer, even the supercomputer mysteriously vanishes at the time of my vacation.
4.) I have no driver’s license.
5.) I have erected a global teleportation system.
6.) Ninjas are pretty cool. Sometimes I feel sorry for them though; The training they go through can sometimes be emotionally destroying.
7.) He’s a lumberjack and he’s O.K.!
8.) (a)
9.) Any that do not cause my allergies to kick in.
10.) It’s really hard for people to understand me if I’m not typing. Seriously, it’s hard for me to get my point across if I’m just talking to them face to face; if I can type, I can get words out better. No, I do not text on the phone; texting is for wusses that don’t buy laptops and carry them everywhere they go.
10 continued…) Also, sometimes I will start rambling about my theories on how quantum mechanics and traditional physics work together. For example, most people believe that forces (strong, weak, gravity, electromagnetism) and particles (such as electrons, protons, and neutrons… Basically, matter) are seperate, but that they effect each other. Often with an explanation such as “Matter bends time and space and travels along the space-time curvature”. But I have found I disagree… I believe that all particles are multi-dimensional shapes; Imagine an infinite number of dimensional axis on which to travel, and they can travel on all these axis at once… But not in straight lines, no. If it travels in straight lines, then other particles couldn’t easily hit it for collisions. So what about curved lines? Yes, but not in just 2 or 3 dimensions… But 4, 5, 6… And so on. Curving in this way gives way to geometric shapes, and also the extension of these in other dimensions is what causes the forces… The extensions of one can draw in the extensions of another…
And that concludes number 10.
Am I a lumberjack or a ninja?
The Ninja Trainer says, “Thank you”.
Ninja points: 2
Lumberjack points: 5.5
Glad i discovered this website.Added “Lumberjack or Ninja? radial: a modern youth movement” to my bookmark!